Letting go

OK .....going out on a limb today.

When I went to T.I. my Mum came with me and we spent my first week together. It was great. After she left I threw myself into my new life - mixing, mingling, joining, working and becoming involved in my new community.

All the while I missed my family and as time went by the desire for them to come up and see where I live and work and play intensified. And about two months ago, it peaked. If you've been following, you might have noticed that this is about the time that I was facing a few challenges.

The thing is that this desire has been consuming me to the point where it's affecting how I think and act. And it's turned into a negative emotion as my family sees my requests to come and visit as a "guilting" - guilting them to feel that they have to make the effort to make the trip. And it's turned into a negative emotion as I am unable to feel happy for those around me who can look forward to a visit from family or friends. I feel envy and a bit of anger.

But last night I was shown that my desire, my yearning for family and/or friends to come up is impractical and not likely to happen in the near future, if at all. So the best thing that I can do for myself and for my loved ones is to let it go. Let go of that all-consuming desire and want that is in effect bringing me down and clouding my thinking.

Today I am initiating strategies to help me to let it go. Already I feel lighter, sad, but lighter. And when I return to T.I. in four weeks I will start afresh and try to recapture that enthusiasm that I enjoyed when I first went up all those seven months ago :-)

Maybe this is something that I just have to go through - you know, keep walking until you get there - and I will come out stronger at the other end. I hope so.

At the moment ...... life is ...... challenging