What a week! I went from despair to excitement in the space of a few hours. The anticipated change? ...... yes, it happened. And while I'm not over the moon and while I'm feeling sad - I realise that this is the start of something good.

My lovely partner has just scored his dream job - it's something he's wanted to do for 30 years - and now it's his. And it's away from home - a looong way away. My sadness is for me - I'm going to miss him so much. You see, I've decided to not share his dream job ..... for now. Never say "never", but at this stage I cannot see myself making those sorts of changes. It would involve putting this life that I know and love on hold - indefinitely - moving to parts unknown and facing challenges unknown.

I'm not that adventureous - and that does not make me a lesser person - right? I like what I have and how I have it. So to that end we have given each other 6 months to try before you buy, and then we will look at the situation all over again and decide.

Now - what's in this for me? A few lessons I'd say. Lessons in patience, trust and getting to know "me". Patience: that things will work out as they are supposed to and not to try and manipulate outcomes. Trust: that things will work out as they should, trust in myself that I can cope with the upcoming months of aloneness, trust that my partner will get what he needs from this experience. Getting to know "me": through decluttering, silences, quality time alone, meditation and exercise.

At the moment it all feels surreal. He's still here and we're doing all the things we always do on the weekend. So far nothing has changed. But it will - very soon. And I have to change too. I have to change my mindset and my reactions.

But some things will not change. We love each other - no change. We want to be with each other - no change. We both respect our decisions and reasons for doing what we're doing, even though we wish we were on the same page :)

Life is changing, life is never still, life is what you make it - life is good.

I love catching up with friends. This weekend has been good for that. Yesterday I had the pleasure of being a guest at the wedding of my dear friends. What an honour to be a part of this very special celebration of a couple's love and commitment.

Today, I caught up with more people as we took part in the Sunday ritual - afternoon drinks at the Story Bridge Hotel with the regular jazz session as background music. A bit of chit chat, a few laughs- a nice way to end the weekend and prepare for the coming working week.

Life is good

Feeling a bit scared at the moment. Well maybe not scared, apprehensive might be a better word. Things are about to change with a phone call. This phone call will be a new beginning for both of us but in different ways. One of us is waiting for this call with bated breath, anxious to hear a 'yes' and ready to jump off into the wild blue yonder. The other one of 'us' is also waiting with bated breath and knowing that the 'yes' will bring forth a silent 'no'.

Change is always going to happen. John Lennon's famous "life is what happens when you're busy making plans" rings so true. And I'm the first one to espouse that 'change is good, change is positive' - yes, for other people.

I'm scared of this change. I don't want this change.

Sitting around waiting for the phone to ring - life is changing.

Everybody needs 'me time'. Yesterday I reconnected with myself through 'me time'. Time spent alone to veg out, laze around, read, write and think. Time spent in silence. It's priceless.

Problems are thought through, words said out aloud that have been kept inside, tension and heavy heartedness released. Sleep heals, music soothes and so does a glass of wine :) Meals are taken with leisure.

Loving time spent alone with me - life is good

Home study is hard. I'm easily distracted (well, what am I doing blogging when I should be reading? - I rest my case!). It's difficult to stay focussed and motivated.

As an incentive, I've decided to reward myself with a gift when I finish this assessment. It's a box of notecards with my initial on the front of the card - very stylish and elegant. I want to earn this little gift, not just buy it because I can - I want to feel a sense of achievement.

So - if anyone has any tips or suggestions, please feel free to comment. Until then - back to it.

Sitting home alone with books and manuals and stuff - life is good?