Tombstone unveiling

Last Friday, before flying home, I was given the honour and privilege of attending a tombstone unveiling. My work colleague and friend Zipporah, or Zippy, had invited us - Rob and I - to this special event.

I first became aware of unveilings soon after arriving on the island. Some days would seem to be very quiet - hardly anyone in the shops, on the streets, and if you went out for a meal or a drink that evening - again, the place would be almost empty. On asking "where is everybody?" I'd be told - tombstone opening. Initially I was confused and shocked - they open a tombstone?!!? But now I nod and say: "Oh - that explains it".

The word "opening" is a misnomer - it's actually an unveiling. The unveilings usually take place on a weekend - this makes it easier for family and friends with work committments to attend, or if they need to come from an outer island or even the mainland. It's a big event - let me explain.

When a family experiences the death of a loved one they are naturally grieving. So to honour this time and to give them their due respect, the in-laws take over all arrangements for the funeral and wake. By in-laws I mean the extended family and/or very close and dear friends. The grieving family does nothing.

After the burial and when that family is ready to finish the grave by commissioning the headstone, they also get ready to host a tombstone opening or unveiling. This usually takes place roughly two years after the loved one's death, although this time frame can vary.

Now it is the turn of the grieving family to thank the in-laws for what they did when their loved one died - the roles are reversed. This time the in-laws are served, waited on and given gifts.

Invitations are sent out to the family, in-laws and special friends. Advertisements are also placed in the paper to invite the community. Zippy did me a great honour when she gave me a personal invitation to her cousin Gina's unveiling. Although a cousin by birth, Gina spent most of her growing up years living with Zippy and her siblings and was more like a sister than a cousin. She died at a very young age, 34, having already lived a very full and productive life but still on the threshold of a promising career - so much yet to do.

On the day of the unveiling the finished grave, with the new headstone, is covered - the headstone is actually wrapped with plastic, the grave is covered with copious pieces of material and linen, some beads, anything made of fabric - these are the gifts. The entire plot is surrounded by a temporary fence that is decorated with flowers and coloured lights and closed off by a ribbon.

The ceremony begins with a blessing and the MC then calls on a family member or friend to cut the ribbon and declare the grave opened. After this, the in-laws and close friends are called by name to stand around the grave - these are the people who looked after the family in their time of grief. Once all  names are called, the group uncovers the grave by placing all the gifts which adorned it into bags. After the ceremony, they will go through the bags and choose a selection of the gifts for themselves.

But before that, they need to take down all the decorations so that the grave is again bare, except for the flowers. Unfortunately we don't get fresh flowers on T.I., so all floral arrangements are artificial. Another person is then called to read the inscription on the headstone.

After the unveiling - a closing prayer and a song. What's important to remember is that this is a time of celebration - a celebration of the loved one's life. I was told to wear something floral as it was a festive occasion.

The graves decorated and ready for unveiling - they have a festive look about them. This is a time to celebrate the loved one's life.

Linen, flowers and gifts adorn the grave.

Cutting the ribbon and declaring the gravesite opened.

In-laws and friends retrieve their gifts

The day doesn't end there. As with most celebrations in the Torres Strait food plays an important role and this is no exception. Later that night we enjoyed a feast - an amazing feast of traditinal food and lots of it. 

The special guests are again all called by name and invited to sit at the main table. The food is placed there for their convenience and comfort. The rest of us served ourselves from the fantastic buffet tables that were literally groaning with platters and dishes of food. 

The feast later that night.

This is the main table for family and special friends who are being thanked at the unveiling.

And to end this most memorable day - traditional dancing - by both males and females. Zippy had been practising all week and it all finally came together on the night :-)

Traditional dancing marks all special occasions. My friend Zippy is in the front row, closest to the camera, in yellow.

It was explained to me that the timing of the unveiling has to do with a couple of  factors. One is financial - to finalise a grave is very expensive anywhere, let alone on T.I. which is remote and attracts freight charges along with everything else.

The next is practical: as you can see an unveiling takes a lot of work and preparation - to decorate and dress the grave, and to cater for the feasting. 

And thirdly, the unveiling is a sign that the family is finally prepared to let their loved one go, to free them of their earthly binds and to let them now enjoy their new life in spirit world. My friend Julie waited seven years before finally unveiling her brother's grave - it was just too hard to let go.

I wish Rob had been with me. What a privilege to be asked to experience and enjoy this beautiful islander custom. What a wonderful way to farewell your beautiful island home.

Life - it's worth celebrating.