Disconnected

I'm dependent on my mobile phone. Yesterday I found out how dependent I am - and I don't like it. Yesterday I had occasion to fly and on landing I turned on my phone - you know, to reconnect. Only I couldn't - there was a code error. Passwords flashed through my mind like the speed of lightning - birth dates, PIN numbers, postcodes - you name it, I tried it. Then I passed the point of no return and my phone no longer required a PIN - it now wanted a PUK!

PUK, PIN - what's the difference? Oh, there is a difference because the PUK allows you to then enter the PIN. And then I can reconnect. But I can't - I still have a code error.

Now I'm confident that the PUK/PIN issue will be sorted out. Yes OK - I'll have to call Telstra (on another phone), talk to the robot - or rather she talks to me - and then eventually I'll be connected to a real person. But in the meantime ..... I am disconnected.

You see, all my contacts are in my phone - names, addresses, phone numbers. There is no hard copy with me. There is at home - in my home diary. But I'm away from home - a looong way away from home. And without access to them -I feel lost and very disconnected.

For all the benefits of new technology - the swiftness of connections, the diversity and variety of applications, the sophistication of our means of communication ........ here's the reality - nothing beats good old fashioned pen and paper.

Getting back to basics - life is teaching me a lesson.

Adapting

Adapting to change, adapting to a new way of doing things - it can be done. The trick is to meet the change/challenge head on. Don't shy away from it. Turn around, face your fear, your insecurity - whatever it is - and live.

Be proactive - that's the secret. You've got to meet situations half way. Since making that decision I'm finding that things are starting to happen. And now those times that I feared I would be alone are now being filled.

Your friends will be there for you but it's important, I think, to let them know that you're prepared to help yourself as well.

Doing things differently and still having fun - life is good.

Stay positive! I say it all the time - to my family, to friends, in my work and to myself. It's hard. I'm finding it hard today to be positive. I'm actually quite scared. My heart is doing little flutters and if I stop what I'm doing (and I'm not doing much - I'm all over the place) I'll cry. So I'm trying to keep busy. There's lots to do.

I'm lonely. I don't understand why I'm having to go through this again. I've been here before and I don't like it.

At the moment - life is crappy

What a week! I went from despair to excitement in the space of a few hours. The anticipated change? ...... yes, it happened. And while I'm not over the moon and while I'm feeling sad - I realise that this is the start of something good.

My lovely partner has just scored his dream job - it's something he's wanted to do for 30 years - and now it's his. And it's away from home - a looong way away. My sadness is for me - I'm going to miss him so much. You see, I've decided to not share his dream job ..... for now. Never say "never", but at this stage I cannot see myself making those sorts of changes. It would involve putting this life that I know and love on hold - indefinitely - moving to parts unknown and facing challenges unknown.

I'm not that adventureous - and that does not make me a lesser person - right? I like what I have and how I have it. So to that end we have given each other 6 months to try before you buy, and then we will look at the situation all over again and decide.

Now - what's in this for me? A few lessons I'd say. Lessons in patience, trust and getting to know "me". Patience: that things will work out as they are supposed to and not to try and manipulate outcomes. Trust: that things will work out as they should, trust in myself that I can cope with the upcoming months of aloneness, trust that my partner will get what he needs from this experience. Getting to know "me": through decluttering, silences, quality time alone, meditation and exercise.

At the moment it all feels surreal. He's still here and we're doing all the things we always do on the weekend. So far nothing has changed. But it will - very soon. And I have to change too. I have to change my mindset and my reactions.

But some things will not change. We love each other - no change. We want to be with each other - no change. We both respect our decisions and reasons for doing what we're doing, even though we wish we were on the same page :)

Life is changing, life is never still, life is what you make it - life is good.

I love catching up with friends. This weekend has been good for that. Yesterday I had the pleasure of being a guest at the wedding of my dear friends. What an honour to be a part of this very special celebration of a couple's love and commitment.

Today, I caught up with more people as we took part in the Sunday ritual - afternoon drinks at the Story Bridge Hotel with the regular jazz session as background music. A bit of chit chat, a few laughs- a nice way to end the weekend and prepare for the coming working week.

Life is good

Feeling a bit scared at the moment. Well maybe not scared, apprehensive might be a better word. Things are about to change with a phone call. This phone call will be a new beginning for both of us but in different ways. One of us is waiting for this call with bated breath, anxious to hear a 'yes' and ready to jump off into the wild blue yonder. The other one of 'us' is also waiting with bated breath and knowing that the 'yes' will bring forth a silent 'no'.

Change is always going to happen. John Lennon's famous "life is what happens when you're busy making plans" rings so true. And I'm the first one to espouse that 'change is good, change is positive' - yes, for other people.

I'm scared of this change. I don't want this change.

Sitting around waiting for the phone to ring - life is changing.

Everybody needs 'me time'. Yesterday I reconnected with myself through 'me time'. Time spent alone to veg out, laze around, read, write and think. Time spent in silence. It's priceless.

Problems are thought through, words said out aloud that have been kept inside, tension and heavy heartedness released. Sleep heals, music soothes and so does a glass of wine :) Meals are taken with leisure.

Loving time spent alone with me - life is good