Day 2 on Thursday Island

I'm here, safe and sound. Getting here was very pleasant - 2 smooth and uneventful flights from Brisbane to Cairns, Cairns to Horn Island and then a very easy and scenic ferry ride across emerald green water to T.I.

Bags were then dumped, and the remaining hours of the day were spent meeting and greeting and then wining and dining before an early night and a deep sleep. Since arriving here I have not worn a watch - there's no need. I don't have to be anywhere at any given time.

I've already taken over the bedroom and the dining and spare room have been rearranged. Tomorrow I tackle the kitchen cupboards. But it's not all work. This is quite a social place, especially where we're based and there is always somebody around. Now I know there will be a time when this is going to drive me insane, but for now, after a couple of months of living alone, I'm enjoying it.

I'm also enjoying the ease with which I have settled in - it's not been frantic and stressful. I'm enjoying how I'm happy to let things be, to wait and see, to trust that it will work out.

But it is after all only day 2 ...........

One more sleep

I have so much stuff! I always knew that but now that I'm packing up and transferring to another place, I can see clearly how much stuff I have. But what's really surprising me is how much stuff I'm prepared to leave behind.

And I guess it's tied in with what I was saying in my previous post - a sense of belonging. Stuff makes you feel belonged (remember I said it is a word). When I look around my home I see my paintings, photos, books, bits and pieces, decor - my things, and they show me that I belong here.

Now I've packed some things to take with me because I need to feel belonged when I get to where I'm going. So there's kitchen stuff, some books and a few bits and pieces, but only a few :)

And as I look around me, I can see that I'm leaving a lot behind. And you know what - I'm OK with it. I'm OK with leaving it all here where it belongs because I'm am now going to be somewhere else and I will find a way to make me feel that that place is where I will belong .... for now.

So it's truly a new start for me - new experiences, new friends, new place ....... and new stuff.

Leaving it all behind - life is moving forward.

Belonging

The flight is booked, job is quit, farewell breakfasts, lunches and dinners abound. I'm off and flying on Tuesday 25th May to start a new adventure in a new place.

This morning, while reflecting on what's ahead, I realise that I need to redefine to myself what it means to belong. I belong here - my home is here, my family, friends, work, support network. And let's not forget the shops, the cafes, the theatres - all of what makes it interesting and meaningful to be me. And it's important to me to feel 'belonged' {is that a word? - it is now :)}.

Where I'm going .... will I belong? Where will I fit in? Will I find my sense of self? Will I still continue to feel interesting and meaningful ....... and me.

What's ahead? - life is opening up

Change of plans

For those of you who have been following, you'll know about my partner's new job and my decision to not join him. His job has taken him to a remote part of north Queensland and I didn't want to live there - away from my home, my family, my life. But a funny thing happened along the way.

At Rob's suggestion I went to visit for a long weekend - suss it out, meet the people, see where he works and plays (although truth be told there's not much playing as he's virtually on call 24/7). And, as I said, a funny thing happened. I've decided to give it a go - get way out of my comfort zone, leave the safety of home and hearth and venture far away to try something new.

I'm excited and scared. But it's a good scared. It's like I'm on the verge of something big - and I can't wait to see what it is.

Butterflies in my stomach - life is good

Disconnected

I'm dependent on my mobile phone. Yesterday I found out how dependent I am - and I don't like it. Yesterday I had occasion to fly and on landing I turned on my phone - you know, to reconnect. Only I couldn't - there was a code error. Passwords flashed through my mind like the speed of lightning - birth dates, PIN numbers, postcodes - you name it, I tried it. Then I passed the point of no return and my phone no longer required a PIN - it now wanted a PUK!

PUK, PIN - what's the difference? Oh, there is a difference because the PUK allows you to then enter the PIN. And then I can reconnect. But I can't - I still have a code error.

Now I'm confident that the PUK/PIN issue will be sorted out. Yes OK - I'll have to call Telstra (on another phone), talk to the robot - or rather she talks to me - and then eventually I'll be connected to a real person. But in the meantime ..... I am disconnected.

You see, all my contacts are in my phone - names, addresses, phone numbers. There is no hard copy with me. There is at home - in my home diary. But I'm away from home - a looong way away from home. And without access to them -I feel lost and very disconnected.

For all the benefits of new technology - the swiftness of connections, the diversity and variety of applications, the sophistication of our means of communication ........ here's the reality - nothing beats good old fashioned pen and paper.

Getting back to basics - life is teaching me a lesson.

Adapting

Adapting to change, adapting to a new way of doing things - it can be done. The trick is to meet the change/challenge head on. Don't shy away from it. Turn around, face your fear, your insecurity - whatever it is - and live.

Be proactive - that's the secret. You've got to meet situations half way. Since making that decision I'm finding that things are starting to happen. And now those times that I feared I would be alone are now being filled.

Your friends will be there for you but it's important, I think, to let them know that you're prepared to help yourself as well.

Doing things differently and still having fun - life is good.

Stay positive! I say it all the time - to my family, to friends, in my work and to myself. It's hard. I'm finding it hard today to be positive. I'm actually quite scared. My heart is doing little flutters and if I stop what I'm doing (and I'm not doing much - I'm all over the place) I'll cry. So I'm trying to keep busy. There's lots to do.

I'm lonely. I don't understand why I'm having to go through this again. I've been here before and I don't like it.

At the moment - life is crappy